Monday, December 1, 2008

SAD, SAD SITUATION

Anyone who knows me, I think, would vouch for the fact that I am a pretty laid back, easy-going kinda person. I don't get upset or angry very easily and I'd rather avoid confrontation if at all possible. I also cherish my friends and my friendships very dearly. Sometimes I will forego saying how I really feel about a situation because I don't want to hurt the other person's feelings, even if I feel that they've wronged me. Yeah, kinda crazy, I know.

Well today something happened between a couple of very good friends, or at least so I thought, and myself. I was made aware of something that has transpired that has hurt me to the CORE. I would've never dreamed in a million years that anything like this would've ever happened. Not in a million years. That they would think it OK. Although perhaps their was no intent on their part, it doesn't change the facts as they are. And it has upset me. Very much. I am left questioning whether or not my friendship meant anything to either one of them at all. I guess not.

Suffice to say, I think my feelings are irreparable, unfortunately and there is nothing that can be done at this point. It is what it is, as they say. I'm sure I'll get over it, hopefully sooner than later, but in the meantime, I can only say that I enjoyed the friendships while they lasted...

17 comments:

Jim and Garret said...

Sorry to hear about that! I've had a friendship break apart, and then rejoin, but it never came back together as it used to be. Obviously you've chosen to leave out the details, showing that it's a rather sensitive subject.

On the brighter side, please update us on the attempt at the U.S. custom Thanksgiving meal!

-Garret-

Joice said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Joice said...

Sometimes Jack we have some truely SKANKY friends that no one else bothers to give the time of day to.

But, because of our love for them you chose to ignore what is obviously out there for the world to see.

Best you found out now!!!

Here's a quote for ya

“False friends are worse than open enemies”.

Liz said...

I've also had friendships end. Some abruptly. Some died a slow, painful death. The worst is when you discover something and determine that this new info means the friendship is over.

We all make choices. They made theirs. You have to make yours.

Liz

Mizrepresent said...

Oh Jackie, i can tell that you are truly hurt by this. It is never easy when we feel betrayed by friends, and i'm not saying that you won't get over it, because i believe that you will, but the friendship may change. I hope you find some peace. Wishing you the best!

anonymousnupe said...

See, that's class. Even in your crestfallen, livid state you still go easy on them in your blog. You're "heaping hot coals on their heads"! God's gonna bless you, sista'.

Jewells said...

=(

Sometimes we gotta question our friendships. You always see them for what they really are at some point or another.

Sending hugs your way!

Marcus LANGFORD said...

The word "friend" can not be used in vain-it is a strong word, almost on the lines of love and trust and sometimes you can't love or trust people fully and calling a person a friend these days is a crap shoot.
I will be 30-years old next month and I have noticed that for the past few years I have been eliminating "friends" left and right basically because as I have gotten older the more I realize what a true friend is and when my expectations are not met, I get rid of the person, because they are not a friend.

I have been getting to know a guy lately who I met through my mentor/business partner. I have spent a lot of time with this brotha in the past few weeks and he has been deemed my friend already-that is rare for me. I don't keep many friends, so for anyone to become my friend has displayed the qualities of such a person.
I'm sorry to have heard what happened to you Jackie, but maybe those friendships have ended so that you could be lead to another that'll stand the test of time.
Many prayers sis.

k. carli said...

Jackie,

I'm so sorry to hear that you've experienced this hurt. It is true that those closest to you can hurt you the worst. It sounds like you take friendship as seriously as I do...and that's pretty darn serious. The older I get though, I've found that my friends can be counted on one hand and I still have room. I often times have to remind myself that I have to "shift with the shift of life"...and everyone can't make that shift with you. Joice's quote is essentially the whole truth of the matter..."False friends are worse than open enemies".

Many prayers to you!!!!

Kinta

Anonymous said...

Hey Jackie sorry your had to hear about the truth. I know sometimes we feel like the people in our lives would do hard to anyone except you. I must say though that the pain is even greater when you are unaware of the thoughts that circulates in a person's head about what they really feel or think about you in their life. Or even in your own life. Joyce said it the best though. False friends that you are unaware of are far more dangerous than open enemies. But life has it that we cant really figure out peoples intentions in our life and so we trust. The tragedy only comes when we are too comfortable in our trusting and when we realise the truth of who people really are its too late. If we could only be a fly on the wall when the people we call our true friends are speaking of us. I think we would witness very few moments when we understand and realize how true our friendship is to someone we care about.

Jackie E. said...

I just want to say thank you to everyone for all the comments. Just reading through them all has helped me immensely to figure out just where I stand.

I think the error that I've made is in making the incorrect assumption that what I deem completely inappropriate, inexcusable and completely out of the realm of what might be possible coincides with what my friends would think. There are some things that just should never ever even enter your mind to say or do, if you consider someone to be your friend. Plain and simple. No matter what. No why or hows. It just shouldn't be possible.

And so I, in spite of numerous warnings from mutual friends,not in regards to this situation but just in general, chose to always give the benefit of the doubt. I defended one of the individuals in particular, over and over again to anyone who would speak ill of them to me. Always maintaining that they were indeed a good person, just misunderstood perhaps, and so now I feel like such a fool and all those people will be able to point their finger at me and say I told you so.

I have truly learned a very hard lesson. To feel this kind of betrayal is one of the worst feelings I could've ever imagined. I have lost sleep the past two nights over it but I assure you that I will do my best to ensure that it never happens again.

Anonymous said...

I am sorry.

I feel as if even though this is not being written directly to me, it is partly being written for me. And because now that I have read it, I feel compelled to apologize once more. I know that it doesn't really matter, nor does it change things, but in my heart I know that I truly am sorry. The hardest thing about that is knowing that that doesn't really matter to you. I have never in my life lost a friend over my actions and it doesn't make me feel good to know that you will be the first. The hard part about it is that I do not have the ability to change your perception of me...and I think that plays such a large part in how this all turned out.

Somehow you feel as if I did something to hurt you purposefully, or at least never gave any thought as to if it would. Both of those things are false. To me, that matters. It means it is a horrible situation but in no way was the intention to hurt you and I hoped that would have got through. Obviously there was a lot I didn't know, things that I assumed to be true that weren't, and in the end those things mattered. I acted off the information I knew. I know that I am ultimately responsible for my actions but it is hard to be judged for something as if I knew things I could have never known.

I would never do something intentionally that I know would hurt someone I care about. Ever. To me that is an important distinction but it seems to not carry as much weight when your character can't be trusted, as I feel mine is not. Unfortunately there is not anything I can do about that anymore. I feel that I have lived my life cultivating good friendships and trying my best to be the kind of friend I wish to have. It's obvious that in this case you feel I fell extremely short but I do believe that there is a lot of good to me. I am not perfect and I have my shortcomings but I will always strive to do better.

I have learned from this situation. I am truly sorry that it had to be at your expense and Lord knows that if I had to do it over again, I could make better choices. I do not live my life with a disregard for others feelings and it's very hard to read these things written about me as if they were truth and as though I have no concept of the true meaning of friendship. I believe that I do and I would hope that the people I know who truly have taken the time to get to know me would feel differently. In the end I know God knows my heart and he knows that I try my very best to be a good person. I guess that will have to be enough.

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David Oliver said...

WOW!

R2K said...

: )

Anonymous said...

Why would you ex frined choose to apologize via your blog?

Who lives their life like that?

Jackie if this person was truly your friend would they not try to reach out to you in a less public way?

Remi Fagbohun said...

Hey mama,
Im sorry to hear about the friendship...its always tough to lose a freind. But also remember people make mistakes and it might be worth hearing what she has to say (even though I have no idea if that would help!!!)

Sending late hugs your way!!!
xoxo