THE SILVER LINING

Yesterday marked exactly five weeks since I had my surgery and if all goes according to plan, I should be getting my cast removed on Monday and getting a boot, which I will have to wear for another 6 weeks:-( To say that these weeks have not been trying and frustrating, at times humbling and other times aggravating, would be a great understatement. Anyone who knows me though knows that what I may lack in other areas, I definitely make up for in being able to make the best out of any situation. Maybe it's all my years of jumping and competing but I just seem to have an innate ability to not focus on the negatives and to just maintain a healthy optimism.

That ability has certainly been put to the test in these weeks. I did manage to still keep some portions of the schedule I had planned for myself prior to my injury and just refused to allow for too many moments of self-pity. For all the trouble it's been living in a 3 story apartment, having to go up and down the stairs every day, falling 3 times (twice very badly), I started thinking yesterday about all the blessings that I've also had during this time.

For obvious reasons, you are FORCED to just slow down figuratively and literally, and take a look at your life. I've been ripping and running for the better part of 15 plus years, never slowing down, never really looking around me to truly appreciate all that I've been blessed with. I began compiling in my mind all the things that I've come to realize and appreciate over the past 5 weeks. Here are my top 10 things, in no particular order:

1) Who knew that people were SO helpful?? Being on crutches has allowed me to see the best in people - I've had more doors opened for me, my gas pumped, errands ran, bags carried. If you think everyone around you is cynical, just break a leg or tear a tendon and get on some crutches, lol and you will see the true humanity of complete strangers.

2) I've met some REALLY outstanding people recently, just because I've been able to take the time to do a few more things socially - Events or outings I would have never gone to had I been on my usual busy/hectic training and travel schedule.

3) I've been reading some really good books.

4) I've had the chance to see my parents and my brother far more often than I normally would be able to just because I've had the time to.

5) I'm pretty sure I've caught up on all my beauty rest:-). When you train as hard as we do and travel all the time, your body just is completely over-extended and often exhausted and I am definitely rested lol.

6) I've been able to communicate/stay in touch with my friends a lot more frequently. Instead of just thinking I should call or talk to someone, I've just done it!

7) I think because I've been a pretty healthy person, I've taken for granted the fact that my body functions properly, arms, legs, mind, everything - when you're incapacitated yourself, you actually tend to realize just how many other people are in your same predicament, if not worse. The other day when I wasn't feeling too good because I had fallen, I saw this guy go by on crutches as well and was about to tell myself, yep there's another one just like me....and then I looked more closely and saw that he only had one leg! Whatever I was feeling vanished in an instant because the truth is, in a matter of weeks, I will be able to walk again. Not so for this guy. So....GET OVER IT Jackie!!

8) I've actually learned how to ask for help. I'm still working on this one. I like to be independent and feel that I get things done myself. Plus I hate bothering people, but I've become aware that there are simply times in your life when you just need help. Plain and simple. There are no awards being handed out for taking 30 minutes to get my laundry basket up the stairs myself to the laundry room when I could just as easily ask my roommate for help, particularly when she's told me to ask her for help whenever I need it. (Learned that one the hard way:-/)

9) I don't have to be going at 100miles an hour to be productive. I'm involved in some relatively new work and I've realized that I can be effective right here from my bed. Just have to think outside the box a little and that in and of itself is rewarding and beneficial in the long run.

10) I HAVE GREAT FRIENDS! They have been here for me in every way - in thought, in words and in deeds. And I have really seen that now more clearly than ever.

While I wouldn't want to have to go through this experience again....I have to admit that this cloud has had the most beautiful silver lining and I can't really ask for much more than that!!

HALLOWEEN '09

I haven't blogged very much lately because I've been pretty busy. Busy trying to get my leg better, busy with my friends, and just busy with the business of life. But last night me and my girls Erica and Peggy took some time out to go to a Halloween party at my boy Marcellus Wiley's house.

At first I could not figure out what to go as, given my crutches and cast. Should I just wear a costume and just hope people could look beyond the visual of me crutching around or should I try to actually incorporate the crutches into my costume in some kind of way. I couldn't think of anything myself so I asked for suggestions on Facebook and a relatively new friend of mine, MarcAnthony, came up with the winning idea. He suggested I go as a "sexy":-/ wounded soldier. What a great idea!!!

I had a camouflage jacket and mini skirt in my closet that I would never wear together in the real world lol, I had a pair of brown Puma boots that I've had for over a year but could never quite figure out why or when to wear them, I had the perfect cap and I had this belt that I'd bought in Germany years ago but hardly ever wore either. Add an ace wrap on my forearm and a bandage to my cheek, along with my cast and crutches and Voila!!.....Wounded soldier! Thanks MarcAnthony!!

Erica went as a sexy doctor and Peggy informed us that she was a fairy princess from the land of Mermaidia.....lol, whatever works right?? We got there at around 10:30 or so and let me tell you Marcellus went 100% full throttle with the Halloween thing. His house was fully decorated, lots of food, lots of drinks, good music and then of course there were the costumes. What can I say about the costumes???? I saw a little of everything pretty much - from scary, to sexy, to scandalous:-/, to clever, to funny, to "no you did NOT"!!!!

I only had one drink of the "witches brew". I figured since I already have a penchant for falling (I've fallen 3 times since I've been on these crutches) when I'm completely sober, I better not get inebriated. My costume turned out to be a hit, I'm happy to report. Everyone kept asking me if I was really injured or not. "Are you hurt for real? Cause if not, man you sure went all out!" I think I heard that at least 50 times, no exaggeration.

We ended up having a really good time and finally left at around 2 something in the morning and the party was still going full force and the host himself was in rare form:-) My poor left leg was exhausted though from all that standing around. Thank goodness for that extra hour of sleep this morning so I could make it to church on time and give thanks to the Man above for the fact that I only have one more week and one day in the cast before I get switched to a boot. Woohoo!!!

Anyway, here are just a few pics from our night of fun! If you click on them, you can see everything a little more clearly/in detail.

Me, Erica (Dr. Chocolate Love) and Peggy


Erica and Peggy


I thought this guy's costume was pretty clever - he was a "Cereal Killer", get it? LOL...


A pic from the room where people were dancing


Me and Cedric the Entertainer

IT'S ONLY SKIN DEEP!

While I was away, I had a pretty interesting conversation with my girls Kinta and Latika, the essence of which was as follows....For the life of me, I have never understood people who brag or boast or place such a heavy emphasis on how they look, most specifically, on how pretty or handsome they are. To me, it's actually a sign of insecurity or shallowness or the fact that something else is missing.

Cause let's be real, no one who is pretty or beautiful or fine had very much of anything to do with that fact. OK, so maybe you wash your face every night and drink lots of water so your skin is nice or you wear sunblock or you know how to apply makeup really well, but when it comes down to the raw basics, I'm gonna say you were just lucky! I say if you wanna brag or boast something, or thank somebody maybe you should thank your parents for having such great genes.

Thank God too, for genetic symmetry and for Him seeing fit to bless you with it. Beauty is not like a sport where you have to work really hard day in and day out to accomplish a goal; it's not an instrument where you have to practice consistently to be proficient at it; it's not a language that you studied really hard at in order to be fluent; it's not a degree that you worked for and so therefore proudly get to put those letters either before or after your name.It's not even like your body where you can actually really workout and sculpt it to achieve the look you want. Beauty is none of those things! You can't/don't earn it. And it is fleeting.

There will come a day when this crutch, so superficial and temporary, will fade and what will be left? I say work on the inside and that beauty which lasts forever. Give me an average looking person with a heart of gold any day over a stunner with that snob, better than thou attitude.

If you hang your hat on your looks and ride that so hard to the deficit of things that really matter in your life, it's really only a matter of time before the ugliness that narcicissm inherently fosters will show itself. And that is definitely NOT a good look. Now if you happen to have both, looks and character/personality, then more power to you. Who doesn't want to look the best they can? But it just shouldn't be THE feather in your cap. Your looks should not define who you are as a person cause guess what?.....it's only skin deep!

PS. After a conversation I just had, let me clarify myself lol. I think there's nothing wrong with being confident about your appearance and putting time and effort into making sure you present yourself well. It matters for sure. I'm just saying, if you are confident or proud of your looks, there's no need to brag about it or to feel that anyone else is less than you because of it. It should speak silently for itself.


****I had a WONDERFUL trip!!!! There's really nothing better than getting to spend time with your friends and people who you love and care about. Everyone took such great care of the cripple, lol, and I am so grateful. From great food (bacon wrapped scallops, wow!!!), great conversations, some much needed QT, a great movie (you gotta see Law Abiding Citizen!!!), and just great hospitality all around and lovely homes, I couldn't have asked for more. Thanks everyone:-)****

LORD HAVE MERCY......

If you have not yet heard Robin Thicke's new song "Sexual Therapy" you are definitely missing out and all I can say is Lord.Have.Mercy!!!! This is what I call "baby making music", lol. The song is beautiful and sexy and you could probably get into a whole lotta trouble if you are with that special someone:-) It has a Maxwell sort of feel. I don't really need to say much more except to say listen at your own risk lol.......



I went to the Dr. a couple days ago to have my cast changed and my leg is looking like a little kid's - not attractive, let me tell you! The incision is really long, about 4 to 5 inches but from the looks of things, my scar won't be too bad. I'm gonna be taking a trip tomorrow and will be seeing some of my favorite people while I'm gone. In spite of the hassle that I will have to endure with the crutches and being wheeled around in a wheelchair through the airports, etc, it's definitely going to be worth it!! I probably won't be blogging while I'm gone cause I'll be otherwise occupied.... Hope you all have a great weekend. I know I will:-)

RIDE OR DIE

Do any of you have a "ride or die" friend? Someone who you would do anything for and vice versa? Well for the past 8 days, my friend Joice has been here in LA visiting me. When we originally planned for her to come down, we had no idea that my Achilles surgery would have ended up being the day before her arrival. Once I found out, I made the offer to her to come at another time where she wouldn't be dealing with an invalid, but she said no, that she would be perfectly fine coming regardless.

To say that we had a lovely time would be an understatement...we had a really really good time! I cannot begin to express to her how much I appreciate her time, her friendship and her concern. Joice was the best caretaker a girl could ask for:-) I live in a 3 storey apartment and for a person taking Vicodin for several days, negotiating steps on crutches would not have probably been such a good idea. She did everything for me from making my breakfast nutrition shakes every morning, to driving us to and from everywhere we went, to carrying my bags for me, running errands with me, going to the dr with me, to getting things out of my closet that I couldn't necessarily reach. Joice you spoiled me and in fact you did SUCH a good job taking care of me that I haven't left the house since you left this morning because I think I've convinced myself that I need you:-/ (I think I was just going through withdrawals lol - I'll get out and go to church tomorrow).

She never complained about anything and really and truly showed me the depth and breadth of our friendship. I tried my best to show her a good time in spite of my incapacitation. We went to church, we went to The Comedy Store one night, we went shoe shopping (don't think a little surgery is gonna stop that!!), we went out to eat a bunch of times,we went to the nail salon for my 3rd ever pedicure, we went to Melrose Ave. AND we went to several drug and beauty supply stores.....Joice's all time favorite past time, lol.

Anyway, I just wanted her to know how much I appreciate the time she spent with me. It's something I'll always remember.The time flew by and my girl has gone and left me BUT since I will be in Atlanta next weekend, we"ll definitely be hooking up again.

Here are a few pics from our week together....

Ms. Joice herself


Me, Joice and my friend Kai


Me getting my pedicure


The end result...


Me trying on my new pair of shoes at the store (well one foot at least lol)


Joice doing the same


Close up shot of Joice's shoes (she didn't buy them, Boo!!:-/)


At a park in Culver City with my "leg weight" - this cast is SO heavy!!!!


Me and Joicie:-)


I miss you already my sister........

GOSPEL SINGING + JAPANESE CHOIR= ????

So yesterday I was feeling well enough to head out to church and since my girl Joice is in town visiting and doing her best "nurse Maduaka" impersonation:-), I really wanted to take her to my church so she could see where I spend my Sunday mornings and so I could go to the House of The Lord myself and give thanks to Him for bringing me through my surgery safe and sound. It was a bit of struggle - picture wearing heels on my left leg, a super heavy/thick temporary cast/splint on my right leg, trying to keep my purse on my shoulder and not look too crazy while crutching down the aisle to my seat:-( but it was definitely worth it!

It was a great service as usual at First AME Los Angeles but we had a special treat by a 100 Voice choir from Tokyo, Japan. Who knew they got down like that in Tokyo?? They sang two songs and I THOROUGHLY enjoyed their performances, so much so that I stood up on my crutches throughout their songs just so that I could see better and fully appreciated their talent.

I just checked on Youtube and luckily someone has posted some personal video clips of them singing yesterday. It's not the best quality but I just wanted to give you an idea of what they sounded and looked like. Try to watch it all the way through so you can see them work.it.out. lol! I'm sure it will bring a smile to your face because they were fantastic. Enjoy!

IN YOUR PRAYERS.....

"You've been more to me than a friend...
We've shared more than most people do--
feelings that time won't erase
No words can ever let you know
the peace I feel when you are near
In times of trouble, your eyes express
exactly what I need to hear
In times of joy, your smile says
you're sharing what I feel
In times of doubt, I always knew
I could trust in your loyalty
We've stood the test across the miles
and watched our friendship grow
I've come to learn, when it comes to friends,
there's no one quite like you."

---Marie Grady Palcic


Tomorrow is a pretty big day for me. I haven't talked about it all on here but most of my close friends know that about a month ago, unfortunately I had an accident and re-injured my Achilles tendon, this time tearing it....completely. I was 4 months into my recovery and things were going really well. I had been back in the weight room for about 3 or 4 weeks. I still wasn't 100% but I was getting there and then, SNAP, I heard it go one day when I moved in a way that I guess I wasn't ready to yet. The MRI confirmed that there is nothing left holding my tendon together. Even though I've been walking around since then, albeit extremely slowly and carefully, I've HAD to wear high heels all the time to keep my tendon shortened. I'm so over high-heeled shoes right now!!!

Insurance paperwork and delays and approvals have held me back from having surgery sooner but tomorrow at 11am I will be undergoing Achilles surgery to repair it. As nervous and apprehensive as I am, I know it's for the best but to say that I'm not a bit of a nervous wreck today and that my eyes haven't welled up a few times would be a grave understatement. I am praying for God's mercy and blessing and I'm praying that I will come out OK. I've been told that the risk of re-injury once someone has this surgery is very low so for that reason alone, I'll be glad to get it over and done with.

I will be 6 weeks in a cast/on crutches and then another 6 weeks in a boot:-( and I'm sure it won't be the easiest thing in the world but I refuse to let it hold me down and I'm gonna do my best to keep my chin up and get through it.

My friends have been HOLDING ME DOWN! and I'm SO grateful and beyond everything else, it's times like these that I really realize how much I NEED them and how important they are to me. Love and friendship are equal on my list and one would mean nothing without the other. So I want to say thanks. You know who you are....:-)

Keep me in your prayers blog family....I'll update as soon as I'm able.