Wednesday, December 17, 2008


Today I was having a conversation with a good friend of mine who lives in Europe and after catching up for a bit, our conversation veered towards his recent realization that he seemed to be getting his way in life so much more now that he had switched gears from being the stereotypical "nice guy" to being as he put it "rude".

He said that he had struggled in past relationships because of being too nice. That he had gotten taken for granted and that he wasn't being appreciated for his good nature. He said the same thing could said to be true in the work place. That those persons who came off somewhat arrogant and forceful were the ones getting ahead. And that as soon as he changed his persona somewhat, the results were pretty instantaneous.

You know it got me to thinking about the whole nice guys/nice girls finish last saying and I wondered if he might truly be onto something. Men do seem to gravitate to women who "speak their mind" and who "tell it like it is". Even if it results in frequent confrontation. I'm not sure why that is. Maybe it's the challenge. The drama. Maybe it's the constant struggle for power and the excitement and the roller coaster ride that brings the intrigue. But how long can that be fun? Doesn't that get old after a while?

I agree, it's good to be challenged and to exude justifiable confidence. Who wants some spineless sap? But at the cost of being rude and disrespectful?? Call me crazy, but I'm just not gonna go there. It's not who I am and if had to end up being "last" because of it, then at least I'd have my integrity and know that I remained to true to who I really am. I guess on the flip side, though, if someone naturally is outspoken and confrontational then they should be who they are too 'cause there are definitely a lot of guys and girls that like that. I guess it's the people who fake it one way or the other, who are the biggest culprits.

As far as in the workplace goes, my mind goes to that movie The Devil Wears Prada and Meryl Streep's character, the powerful Miranda Priestly. She was the ruthless and merciless executive of Runway fashion magazine.
She took no prisoners and said what she wanted, when she wanted it, how she wanted it and that was it! No ifs, ands or buts!!!! She was definitely successful, as is Anna Wintour, the US Vogue Fashion editor who the movie is said to be based on. I just wonder if that's necessary in order to get ahead, particularly if you are female on the job? I don't know.

Every year I promise myself to work on my mean streak, lol and it has been slow in coming:( I just hate it though, when people mistake kindness for weakness and then presume to take advantage of that. To me it's not a sign of weakness because it's actually not always easy to be "nice". There are many times when you have to bite your tongue or try and I do say try to be the bigger person. So perhaps a happy combination, maybe 3/4 nice and 1/4 not so nice is ideal, ....who knows?

In the meantime, I'm just gonna go on being a self-proclaimed nice girl and if I don't get some job or if I've had some guy pass on me because of it, then neither one was for me anyway.


Jim and Garret said...

Stay nice! You've gotten very far without being mean, doncha think?


Anonymous said...

Nice people like us don't care where they long as they finish ( which is all that really matters anyway )

eclectik said...

I dunno...
Aint nothing sexy about a mean or loud or rude woman...neither pretty nor gangsta

Now an Aggressive woman!? HOTNESS!
Strong work ethic? So sexy

Nice women will always finish #1 in my book
Push overs? No

Nice guys on the other hand get no play UNTIL The woman has been thru a ton of assholes, 2-3 kids, looks start to fade...THEN they want the nice guy.

Reason #23,454,234,093.34 I'm single

...oh and cuz you're all the way where you are.


I choose to not think about being nice and finishing last rather, just not being in the race with those that appreciate me.

They lose.


Joice said...

Please don't change.

Your niceness and the fact that the stuff people do still shocks you makes you my Jack.

Ain't nothing wrong with having a little bitch or bastard to you. As long as your not hurting anyone on a regular basis.

I'm in self protect mode. I will only kick up if I think your taking the piss.


Liz said...

I'm in the corporate world and I'm in management. I work with rude people and I work with nice people. I work better for nice people. I work faster for nice people. I am nice when seeking answers or having someone do work for me.

You attract more flies with honey than vinegar, right?

I actually just posted about dealing with a rude dude at work... and I called him on it. Because it isn't necessary. So I say stay nice, work hard, work efficiently.

I think it also depends what your goals are. I have no interest in moving up or taking over or whatever with my career. I just want a paycheck and good benefits. Maybe I'd have to be more cutthroat if my goal was to become a VP or CEO someday... but I've seen perfectly nice and respectful people in those jobs, too. And I don't define myself based on my career accomplishments. I'm far more interested in treating people kindly and fairly...

anonymousnupe said...

Yeah, I'm intentionally extrapolating on the meaning of "nice" when I say this, but as a PK you know in the end where nice folks finish v. the hell spawned. As I mentioned to you before, keep heaping hot coals on their heads. Of course, I'm not saying we should be obsequious fools. In fact, it's quite a lot of fun out of the blue to put someone in their place who was under the impression they could just act any old kinda way around you. The gasps around the conference room table are quite entertaining.

And it's interesting to hear you say that you think men are attracted to those kinds of women. I had always heard from smart, aggressive, successful sisters (take the Real Housewives of Atlanta, for instance, if you consider that bunch successful [personally, all but one embarrass me]) that men are intimidated by them and that's why so many of them are single.

Eb the Celeb said...

Everyone always said that I was mean... so this year my new years resolution was to be nicer to guys... not make them jump threw too many hoops... I did that and I got my feelings hurt so I'm going back to being mean... at least then I know it was on my terms if a situation doesnt work out

but I'm in a cynical mind frame at the moment... you should definitely stay nice

Robyn said...


Da life of a Rock N Rolla said...

Hi there Jackie am new to the whole blogging experience and I just wanted to comment on you note you said about nice guys and girls. I do think that nice girls and guys do finish last cause they sometimes lack the ability to adapt to their certain environment or relationships thus why they sometimes they get left behind.
As for a loud woman that speaks her mind all time and is rude to people, there isn’t anything SEXY about that at all like a old saying goes “Woman are to be seen not heard”. As for a man that is arrogant and self-center etc... That is no way to carry your self is any circumstance, and he should lead by example. People respect and admire you more if you carry yourself in a respectful and confident manner.


Anonymous said...

That's so funny how we were talking about this and I hadn't even read your blog yet.

I don't know what it is. It does seem as though us nice folk end up last. But to be honest, I'd rather be nice and single (and jobless) than be labeled anything other than. Though I do wonder what my life would be like if I started cursing people out, making demands, and not being so accommodating...

anonymousnupe said...

Late but related: Short story in D.C. media about "Nice Guys" study.