Today I was having a conversation with a good friend of mine who lives in Europe and after catching up for a bit, our conversation veered towards his recent realization that he seemed to be getting his way in life so much more now that he had switched gears from being the stereotypical "nice guy" to being as he put it "rude".
He said that he had struggled in past relationships because of being too nice. That he had gotten taken for granted and that he wasn't being appreciated for his good nature. He said the same thing could said to be true in the work place. That those persons who came off somewhat arrogant and forceful were the ones getting ahead. And that as soon as he changed his persona somewhat, the results were pretty instantaneous.
You know it got me to thinking about the whole nice guys/nice girls finish last saying and I wondered if he might truly be onto something. Men do seem to gravitate to women who "speak their mind" and who "tell it like it is". Even if it results in frequent confrontation. I'm not sure why that is. Maybe it's the challenge. The drama. Maybe it's the constant struggle for power and the excitement and the roller coaster ride that brings the intrigue. But how long can that be fun? Doesn't that get old after a while?
I agree, it's good to be challenged and to exude justifiable confidence. Who wants some spineless sap? But at the cost of being rude and disrespectful?? Call me crazy, but I'm just not gonna go there. It's not who I am and if had to end up being "last" because of it, then at least I'd have my integrity and know that I remained to true to who I really am. I guess on the flip side, though, if someone naturally is outspoken and confrontational then they should be who they are too 'cause there are definitely a lot of guys and girls that like that. I guess it's the people who fake it one way or the other, who are the biggest culprits.
As far as in the workplace goes, my mind goes to that movie The Devil Wears Prada and Meryl Streep's character, the powerful Miranda Priestly. She was the ruthless and merciless executive of Runway fashion magazine.
She took no prisoners and said what she wanted, when she wanted it, how she wanted it and that was it! No ifs, ands or buts!!!! She was definitely successful, as is Anna Wintour, the US Vogue Fashion editor who the movie is said to be based on. I just wonder if that's necessary in order to get ahead, particularly if you are female on the job? I don't know.
Every year I promise myself to work on my mean streak, lol and it has been slow in coming:( I just hate it though, when people mistake kindness for weakness and then presume to take advantage of that. To me it's not a sign of weakness because it's actually not always easy to be "nice". There are many times when you have to bite your tongue or try and I do say try to be the bigger person. So perhaps a happy combination, maybe 3/4 nice and 1/4 not so nice is ideal, ....who knows?
In the meantime, I'm just gonna go on being a self-proclaimed nice girl and if I don't get some job or if I've had some guy pass on me because of it, then neither one was for me anyway.
I gave my best...
5 years ago