HAPPY and SAD

"In everything we do, our thoughts can help us succeed, or they can help us fail. Maintain a positive attitude!"

I've been a little bit restless over the past week or two as I try to figure out just exactly what to do with myself, my summer and my time. For the past 15 years, I have gotten up in the morning and headed to the track and done everything that I know how to push myself beyond the limits of my physical and mental capacity. And I've loved every single minute of it, the highs and the lows. Every minute.

Fast forward to 6 weeks ago, and my life as I've known it, came to a sudden and unexpected halt. And while I've made steady progress and my Achilles continues to get better each day as I do my physio, I still can't bear all of my weight on the ball of my foot and so I'm a ways away form returning to any sort of mobile exercise. For the time being, I have to be content with stepping up and down on a box, static lunges, leg raises, eccentric calf raises and trying to walk down a flight of stairs without putting both feet on each step. Exciting, I know!!

Add to that, the fact is that the track season is in full swing as can be evidenced by all the track meets on TV, my friends who are traveling the world, the fast times, the far jumps and the eyes that are all set on Berlin in August for the World Championships. I've qualified for and competed in the World Championships 9 consecutive times going all the way back to when I was a junior at Stanford and made my first Worlds team and ended up making my first finals, finishing 10th.

I would give my right arm right now to just have the chance of making it, but that's not an option. So that makes me sad. In the past couple of weeks, Puma has continued to send my usual shipment of equipment



included in which is the SWEETEST pair of long jump spikes I've EVER had.



Alas, I won't be wearing them any time soon. And that makes me sad:-(

All of this being said, I cannot deny the fact that my career has been so fulfilling and beautiful and exciting and thrilling and awesome and if I never stepped foot on another track competitively, I could live with that . That makes me happy. I have some of the BEST people in my life who, no matter what ANYONE tries to do, remain constant and special and I love them and that makes me happy:-) The Truth remains, and I think my injury has really revealed just how important my friends and family are as they have all been here for me in every way.

So, I'm not sure if I will be heading to Eugene to watch my people do their thing at the US Trials for the upcoming World Champs, but if I can't, my heart and thoughts and good wishes will most definitely be there with everyone. Some opportunities that I'm pursuing might preclude me from making it there, but time and schedule permitting, I'll wish my good lucks in person very soon anyway;-) Everything happens for a reason and for as much as I would love to be contending for wins and records and personal bests, I'm doing my best to make peace with the fact that I can do that off the track too, just in a different way. And that makes me happy!

GOOD LUCK TO EVERYONE!

BABY STEPS....

So today is the first day that I am allowed to take my boot off and switch to wearing my normal tennis shoes. It's a non weight bearing boot so I haven't actually "walked" since April 18th. I'm still supposed to use my crutches starting with bearing about 30% of my weight until by next week Wednesday, I'm supposed to be fully weight-bearing. I swear, it seems as if everything is happening so quickly and so slowly all at once.

So quickly because mentally, I'm not sure I'm ready to start walking again. This process usually takes 12 weeks and so far it's been 2 and a half in total to this point for me. I was sooo looking forward to today but now I feel really nervous and unsure and worried that I might tear the entire tendon or something. My foot feels a little stiff but I can tell that a lot of healing has occurred.

So slowly too though because the daily grind of using the crutches and standing on one leg and hopping around everywhere in this three story apartment has been tedious to say the least and precarious at best. I can't tell you the number of times I've tripped on the stairs lol. I went out to the track yesterday and saw everyone running around and getting their bodies ready for competition and all I could do was sit on the side and watch with envy, truth be told. I should have traveled yesterday to Qatar with DO and Joice and I surely will miss not being there with them but I know they will hold it down in my absence:-)

Anyway, I have to trust my doctor. He assured me that today was the day I could put my foot on the ground again and I have to believe in that. I need to believe in that because my little quad and calf are withering away, lol. My ankle still looks a little swollen but back where there was a gap in my tendon, that gap is no longer there.
It kinda looks and feels like a skinny, fat person's leg if that makes any sense lol. I only hope that as quickly as this atrophy has occurred that it will bounce back just as fast to having some semblance of muscle tone cause it's kinda mushy right now....ugghh:-(

I'm sure I'll be fine, I think I needed to just get it out, to say it. I guess that's what this blog can do sometimes - give you a voice you know what I mean? To get stuff off your chest. So that's it. I'll keep saying my prayers and before you know it, I'll be hopping and skipping around again....ok let me not get carried away...but in one short week, I should be able to chuck these metal appendages (my crutches) aside and be one step closer to being whole again! Woohoo!

ON THE ROAD TO RECOVERY....

So for the past 4 days, I’ve been in Toronto, Canada getting treatment/therapy for my Achilles. It’s been some pretty intense days with everything from ultra sounds to various injections to hyperbaric chamber therapy.

About a week ago, while I was doing my research about the various treatment options, I decided to come to Canada to seek the help of one of THE best Sports doctors around. He has treated many, many superstar athletes, many whose names you’d very easily recognize. The normal protocol for a partially torn Achilles such as mine is 4-6wks in a non-weight bearing cast with crutches, followed by another 4-6wks in a weight-bearing boot, followed by the beginning of physical therapy. A very circuitous, tedious road at best and then the results are not the best as far as the strength of the tendon anyway.

Dr. Galea is world-renowned and he employs a completely different approach that yields far better results in far less time. As it turns out, he lived up to all the hype and then some. He’s a very charming, laid-back, cool, unorthodox guy and it was my distinct pleasure to meet him. He took great care of me and I will forever be in his debt and if all goes well, I should be walking without casts, boots or crutches in two weeks time and beginning my PT.

Now back to this hyperbaric chamber therapy. I have one word for it – NIGHTMARE!!!!!! I don’t know if any of you are claustrophobic but I am. Without going into the details of why this type of therapy is extremely beneficial, let’s just cut to the chase – you have to stay in this glass tube, fully enclosed, lying on your back for an hour and a half!!! Suffice to say, I STRUGGLED, Lord have mercy and I had to do it 3 days in a row!!! The second time I did it, I had a bit of a panic attack and almost freaked out.


Me in the "torture" chamber, lol! Yeah, that's a fake smile....when they were just about to pull me out!!!

I can laugh about it now, but trust me, it was no laughing matter at the time. And then just to add insult to injury, for two 5minute intervals while you’re in there, you have to put this oxygen mask over your nose and mouth. I can assure you that unless there’s life or death involved, Jackie Edwards will never put herself through that again, lol. My dear friend Joice, told me to "quit being a drama queen", but I’m sorry Ms. Joice, just based on your description alone, the chamber you go in does not compare neither in size nor in experience – there are no books or laptops or anything at all allowed in with me – not even my earrings!!! And even if it is, oh well, I won't deny the fact that I was really afraid/nervous/scared....

Anyway, I did have one free evening and my roommate Erica’s parents, whose home I stayed at, took me to Niagara Falls. It was a great break away from the rigors of the therapy.


Me and Erica's mom at The Falls

I do want to say that the Witter family has gone above and beyond in showing me kindness and hospitality and I will forever be grateful.

I’m on my way back to LA tomorrow. Treatment is done. The healing process officially begins and I for one couldn’t be happier.